My Failed Novel: Episode 13


Tsu was standing on the porch of a house, his own. The house was filled with lights: red, green, blue; it was Christmas time. He was with a woman. He was standing near the front door, and it was open, letting in wind and some snow flakes. On the front lawn were some of his friends. They waved to each other as Tsu went to go inside, closing the door behind him. “That was a lovely dinner, don’t you think dear?” “Yes, your friends are so much fun” said Kristi. They went to sit in the living room. On the table was a full Turkey, uncut, but golden brown and steaming. The table was huge and filled with Thanksgiving food: cranberry sauce, stuffing, huge bowls of mashed potatoes. There were candles. He thought of how lovely this was, what a nice moment he was sharing with Kristi. “You don’t think they’ll come back, do you?” “Who?” “Them”. He didn’t understand what she meant. He followed her into the kitchen, when all of a sudden the room was filled with a blinding light from the kitchen window. Kristi screamed and ran out of the kitchen. Tsu followed her and found themselves in their bedroom. The bedroom was large and beautiful and he didn’t fully recognize as his own at first. They locked the door, turned off the lights, ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind them. They sat on the floor near the tub holding each other. “Kristi, what the fuck is going on?!” “They’re here!”. Tsu was confused. Outisde, the lights came on. They stayed quiet, Tsu holding Kristi as she shivered there beside him. Through the small bit of light that escaped onto the bedroom floor, they saw some feet come to the door. “GO AWAY!” Tsu said. The door burst open, breaking into a million pieces. Alien beings entered the room. One of them grabbed Kristi while others attacked Tsu. Tsu punched them wildly, but felt that his punches were landing softly. He was unable to hurt them. Miraculously he escaped their grip and ran down the stairs. He looked for Kristi on the first floor, but couldn’t find her. All of the sudden the house was silent. He ran to the basement and looked for something to use as a weapon. There was a shotgun sitting on a gun rack above a work station. He took it off the wall, and searched for shells. He looked frantically, through drawers and shelves, but found nothing until he came upon a backpack on the ground. It seemed to be full of shells; Tsu grabbed it and ran to the backyard. There he found Kristi with her clothes torn, her dark nipples exposed and flying wildly as she attempted to escape the grasp of the aliens. One of the aliens not holding her had his head under her skirt. Tsu yelled out and shot the gun into the air. The aliens looked at him, the one poking his head out from under Kristis skirt. Tsu could see that that alien had a glistening residue on his mouth; Krist continued to scream. “Get your hands off her, you damned dirty aliens!” Tsu yelled. Then he pointed the gun at the alien holding Kristi’s left side and shot off his head, which exploded like a popped balloon filled with green goo. The other aliens began to shoot at Tsu with weapons he hadn’t seen before. Tsu managed to duck and hid behind a bush. When he looked up, they were gone. The next thing he saw was a spotlight, coming from an alien craft that was making like it was about to take off. Tsu leapt from the bush and ran to his garage, where he found his high-speed motorcycle. Jumping on and starting it, he strapped the shotgun over his shoulder and took off. He followed the spacecraft as it made its way down the main street. ‘Why isn’t it taking off?’ Tsu thought. Whatever the reason, now was his chance, and he wasn’t going to blow it. Reaching into his back-pack to find shotgun shells, his hand came back with a fully loaded Uzi. Tsu shot the gun at the spacecraft while yelling insults of an ungodly nature. The spacecraft didn’t yield. Boarding the highway, swerving to avoid the cars which seems to be going in all directions, Tsu once again reached into his bag but this time came out with a rocket launcher. With no time to think of how a rocket launcher could conceivably fit into his tiny knap-sack, he deftly pulled it out and aimed at the spacecraft. Saying something totally awesome which he could never, for the life of him, remember, he fired a perfect shot, sending the spacecraft careening to earth. He followed the smoke trail to an abandoned warehouse, where he saw the two aliens run towards a door, a now completely naked Kristi slung over the shoulder of the one, the shadow of a nearby machine cast against the warehouse wall. Tsu jumped off the bike and, while midair, shot one of the aliens in the back of the head, causing his teeth and bone and alien bits to fly out the front of his face. After a few somersaults in the air, he landed in front of the door, which had just been closed and locked. “Damn” he thought. He started to run around the building until he found the fire-escape and began to climb. Inside it was dark, and he crouched by the freshly broken window. He stood on a metal platform, which went from one side of the building to the next. He looked below and found Kristi tied up, with the alien nearby, guarding the door with some kind of alien gun. Tsu jumped off the railing and landed on the alien. They got into a tustle, and again Tsu found that his landed punches weren’t doing anything. Eventually Tsu gained the upper hand, grabbed a large rock laying nearby, and flattened the aliens head into a green-pussing pancake. He rushed over to Kristi and proceeded to untie and ungag her. “My hero!” she said, as she fell into his strong businessman arms. Immediately they fell to the floor and began to make out. Her soft wet tongue poked into his mouth, and his tongue followed suit. His erection was stronger than anything he could remember himself every having, as he began to fondle her breasts. “I’d never let any alien scum get you baby”. She swooned. He moved down her neck as he licked and sucked on her skin. He was grabbing her ass as he moved down to her stomach, sticking his tongue into her bellybutton. Then he was down on her, his arms holding her thighs. He looked down at what he expected to be a wet pussy with an erect and waiting clitoris, but found a frightening and glistening purple tentacle. Immediately it jammed itself down Tsu throat as he gagged. He began to tear up as Kristi’s once soft and adorable voice gave way to the deep menacing maniacal laughter of an evil creature. Blood burst out of every poor of Kristi’s skin as her body expanded and exploded, revealing a hundred-tentacled purple monster soaked in the blood of Tsu lover, laughing as he plunged his tentacles into Tsu’s throat and asshole.


About dontdontoperate

28 year old originally from Barrie, Ontario, Canada. H.B.Sc. from UofT with a major in chemistry and a double minor in philosophy and math. M.Sc. from UofT in physiology and neuroscience. Finished my Ph.D. in biomedical engineering at McMaster in the fall of 2013.
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One Response to My Failed Novel: Episode 13

  1. Pingback: Finding Large Print Books « shiyan

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